Thursday, June 13, 2013

Confessions of a Houseslob

I sit here writing this covered with Crispy Rice on my torso and in my hair. Not because I have children, but because I just love food and went all ravenous on this box of Nature's Path Crispy Rice.  I feel this is important to mention because it says a lot about me and what I'm about to admit.

I'm a lazy slob. Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh, but I've said this before and I'll say it again: You know how some people say things like, "Deep down inside of me is a tough, determined, tiger (or whatever other animal they identify with), with the heart of a champion just waiting to break free and conquer the world?" Yeah, we'll deep down inside of me is a 500lb man sitting on a couch eating Bon Bons while watching Designing Women and drifting in and out of sleep all day. Only to have to be removed from said house by a wall being knocked down and then being transported to a hospital like a whale in a net via helicopter. Okay, this may have been a Jerry Springer episode I once saw, but you get the gist. 

I struggle with self motivation and discipline. I hate to do things I don't want to do or that I don't find fun. Which is odd because I grew up a dancer and discipline is usually ingrained in you. But I may have been slightly rebellious and missed out on that lesson fully. I wish this wasn't so, but I can't figure out how to be different. I see all these perfect little Facebookers and Pinteresters posting all the awesome things they do to their home, cook for dinner, or businesses they start and think, "How in the h-e double hell do they have time to do that?" Naturally, I judge them and tell myself their families are probably suffering and obviously they are sacrificing something big to be that awesome. Then I kick myself because I have all these awesome ideas and things I want to do, but can't seem to do them. I can barely convince myself to cook dinner most nights.

One thing I have learned to accept about myself is that I never was the girl who couldn't wait to get married or be a wife or mother. And although I'm married, that's still who I am. I still don't want to be a homemaker. I hate housekeeping, crafting, gardening, and cooking. Baking is another story, but housewife duties bore and irritate me. After I accomplish a lot around the house I don't feel like a bad-A wife, I think, "Crap that took a lot of time! I could've done something way more fun than that shizz." So while being Susie homemaker looks enticing, deep down I know that does not make me happy.

I guess in the end, it all comes down to priorities. As long as my house isn't a total pig sty, I'm cool to do other things I find more important and let a few dishes chill in the sink. And if you stop by you will most likely see these dishes sitting in the sink, in addition to a couple pairs of shoes on the floor, clean laundry in a pile upstairs, a blanket on the couch, books on the end table, mail and a pile of change from Jeremiah's pockets on the entryway table, and maybe more. And I'm (almost) okay with that. For some keeping their home immaculate is a priority - for me it's not. 

Also, I've realized decorating, crafting, gardening and the like are also not my life's passion. I try to emulate you sassy little housewives posting your crafts, home cooked dinners, and planting your flowers, but since I find myself not enjoying the process and wishing myself elsewhere my crafts end up looking like a 5 year old made them, my food is overcooked and there's a huge mess, and my plants die. Trying to be someone you're not is never easy nor fun.

So while I do fight that fat man inside of me trying consume my life, I accept that my life's passion does not lie in being a housewife and will even go so far as to say God did not put that passion in my heart. My husband knows this. And although there are times he wishes I was a little more housewife-ish, he can laugh about it. After all, he's a total metro and his priorities do not lie in the typical man chores some men take pride in. What a pair - talk about a match made in Heaven! Hired help may be in our future. 

X, A!