"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living."
― Jonathan Safran Foer
Right now, my body is literally controlling my life and I find myself straining under the weight of it all. From the missed workouts, Starbucks in the morning, spur of the moment travels, and desire to seek out new employment opportunities the things that once spurred me along, rejuvenated me, and inspired me are no longer the same. There are so many lives I want to be living, but right now I am here. In this body. Living this life. Trying to make the most of it. Trying to reinvent my life and find new opportunities and passions that will motivate, inspire, and make me feel like I am living an important life on this Earth. I'm attempting to refuse to put limits on my life, yet also be realistic about what I am physically able to endure. I think I am able to endure anything. But in my darkest moments, it's hard to believe that. But I have to. However, by forcing these lives I want to live, I don't want the hard work and stress to cause more suffering. It's a catch 22. I feel like I am missing out on so much and I am straining beneath it all, but am not sure how much to push myself. Should we accept our limitations in life or should we never put limits on ourselves no matter what we are going through? Should we accept where God has us now and not force things we know may not be best or healthiest for us or should we trust that God will get us through no matter what we choose to do? That is where I am at in this moment. On this day in time. Am I strong enough to handle more? Am I able to let God be my strength? Sometimes, I don't know. But I truly pray I am. I want to be fearless in life more than anything! To take on new challenges without fear - no matter what my body says. To not fear anything or anyone. To fill my life with people, places, and experiences that inspire others. To show love and compassion and be a heart changer in the world. I don't talk about what I am going through much, but I do want people to be aware in case they think I am rude/lazy/wimpy/weak/etc. so they know there may be more going on beneath the surface than what they see everyday. If you could throw a heartfelt prayer my way I would appreciate it.
X, A!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Peanut Butter Granola Balls
I love peanut butter and granola. In fact, whenever I make any sort of peanut butter/granola concoction I eat it all up in a day. It can be dangerous. Good thing these can be made as healthy or dirty as you want! Just omit or add anything you prefer to make it healthier. That's the beauty of this recipe. You can even do it gluten and dairy free (which I did). Also if you prefer more of one ingredient, feel free to add more and compensate by increasing the honey or PB or use less of another ingredient to keep the texture right. I've seen several recipes like this posted online, but decided to make up my own because they are all basically the same and there is no exact science to it. You could do the same, but here is my version to do with what you will. Trust me, these are a fast and tasty breakfast!
Peanut Butter Granola Balls
Recipe by Angela Atkins
Ingredients
Recipe by Angela Atkins
Ingredients
- 1 cup (dry) oatmeal
- 1/4 cup carob or chocolate chips (optional)
- 1/4 cup slivered almonds
- 1/4 cup pumpkin seeds or sunflower seeds
- 1/4 cup peanut butter
- 1/4 cup almond butter (or use all PB)
- 1/4 cup flax seed
- 1/4 cup rice krispies
- 1/2 cup honey or agave
- 1/4 cup flaked coconut (optional)
- 1 tsp. vanilla
Directions
Stir all ingredients together in a large bowl until thoroughly mixed. Roll into 1 inch balls and chill in refrigerator for half an hour. Store in an airtight container in refrigerator for up to 1 week.
X, A!
Stir all ingredients together in a large bowl until thoroughly mixed. Roll into 1 inch balls and chill in refrigerator for half an hour. Store in an airtight container in refrigerator for up to 1 week.
X, A!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Personalize Your Life
I love personalized photo items. They make the best gifts and are the perfect way to show off those photos not everyone gets to see in your home or that you don't have space to display. Plus, every time you look at the item you can't help but smile! Over the years, I have purchased a Miir photo water bottle, Medge Kindle Fire cover, and countless Shutterfly items such as mugs, key chains, magnets, notepads, cards, and photo books. I can tell you, my mom and sister's favorite gifts I have ever given them are photo gifts with my niece and nephews on them. That's why the latest personalized iPhone cases from Shutterfly definitely piqued my interest! They are adorable and affordable. And the fact that you can pretty much make them look however you want is a great option if you're looking for a gift for someone... or for yourself. I just may have to get one! In the meantime, check them out here: http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-gifts/custom-iphone-cases
Also, here is some pretty interesting stuff on cell phone cases and what people want/expect from their phone cases. Pretty much magic, eh?
This infographic is provided to you by Shutterfly, a leader provider of photo books, custom iPhone cases & more!
X, A!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Embracing My Inner Dork
Braces, glasses, no make-up, frizzy hair? Yep, that's me lately. In the past, I would not consider stepping a foot outside with any of the above going on. Maybe it's getting older or maybe it's because I really have no choice. Either way, I am learning to embrace my "inner dork" and get comfortable with myself no matter what I look.
I have never done a blog post on my braces and have had them on almost 2 years. I got braces in May 2011 to fix my "snaggle tooth" and am beyond thrilled I did. When I was younger, my dentist always said my teeth might straighten out so my parents never took me to the Orthodontist. He was wrong! So here I am fixing them as an adult. Jeremiah jokes that he should send my parents the bill since this is something parents are supposed to deal with. Anyway, the braces are clear and I know in the end I will have straight teeth. So I am cool with the braces.
Now onto the glasses - my most hated dork accessory. I don't know what it is, but wearing glasses makes me feel like I should be at home in my PJ's - not out in the world. They take me a while to get used to wearing and are not cute, in my eyes. But since finding out a year ago that my eyes are very damaged and dry from abusing my contact lens wearing privileges (so much so that I am not a candidate for refractive surgery), I have been forced to wear them even more. Even to work. Ugh! Once my eyes felt better I went back to abusing the contacts and my eyes started bothering me again. So here goes the spectacle wearing spectacle again! Wisdom over vanity, I suppose.
As far as the frizzy hair and no make-up goes? I am at peace with the hair my Mexican heritage has given me. Yes, I am probably the whitest girl you know, but my grandpa is Mexican. Like, habla espanol Mexican. And my great grandpa is Cherokee Indian. So what happened in the gene pool with me is a mystery. The no make-up thing is the worst, however. You probably would not recognize me if I did not have make-up on. I know people probably think I wear a ton of make-up and I do, but trust me it is necessary. I would rather be made fun of for "make-up face" than "ugly face." Yes, I do realize this is a huge issue I need to deal with, but hey one thing at a time.
I'm not sure what the point of this blog post was, except that I feel very self-conscience at times and wanted to be honest with myself about it. I know girls typically feel this way from time to time, so I thought maybe someone could empathize. Naturally pretty girls: you suck. There I said it. End blog post.
I have never done a blog post on my braces and have had them on almost 2 years. I got braces in May 2011 to fix my "snaggle tooth" and am beyond thrilled I did. When I was younger, my dentist always said my teeth might straighten out so my parents never took me to the Orthodontist. He was wrong! So here I am fixing them as an adult. Jeremiah jokes that he should send my parents the bill since this is something parents are supposed to deal with. Anyway, the braces are clear and I know in the end I will have straight teeth. So I am cool with the braces.
Now onto the glasses - my most hated dork accessory. I don't know what it is, but wearing glasses makes me feel like I should be at home in my PJ's - not out in the world. They take me a while to get used to wearing and are not cute, in my eyes. But since finding out a year ago that my eyes are very damaged and dry from abusing my contact lens wearing privileges (so much so that I am not a candidate for refractive surgery), I have been forced to wear them even more. Even to work. Ugh! Once my eyes felt better I went back to abusing the contacts and my eyes started bothering me again. So here goes the spectacle wearing spectacle again! Wisdom over vanity, I suppose.
As far as the frizzy hair and no make-up goes? I am at peace with the hair my Mexican heritage has given me. Yes, I am probably the whitest girl you know, but my grandpa is Mexican. Like, habla espanol Mexican. And my great grandpa is Cherokee Indian. So what happened in the gene pool with me is a mystery. The no make-up thing is the worst, however. You probably would not recognize me if I did not have make-up on. I know people probably think I wear a ton of make-up and I do, but trust me it is necessary. I would rather be made fun of for "make-up face" than "ugly face." Yes, I do realize this is a huge issue I need to deal with, but hey one thing at a time.
I'm not sure what the point of this blog post was, except that I feel very self-conscience at times and wanted to be honest with myself about it. I know girls typically feel this way from time to time, so I thought maybe someone could empathize. Naturally pretty girls: you suck. There I said it. End blog post.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
Someone so dear to me shared this poem with me when I was having a rough IC day last year. While the immediate focus of the writing is death, I think it applies to so much more and on so many levels. Reminding us to fight and never give up. So rage against the dying of your light. Whatever that may be for you. X, A!
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
- Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
- Dylan Thomas
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Hurrah!
Adult occasions call for big celebrations - or at least ice cream! The start to 2013 has included some big decisions, brave acts, and blessed changes. Here's a very quick rundown - First off, we refinanced our home in preparation of things to come and feel so adult. Next up, J had a job reclassification (other than the typical yearly review and upgrade) and I am so proud of him. The amount of hours, dedication, and hard work he puts in have not gone unnoticed and we are so thankful. He is on call 24 hours a day, as he manages several international servers, and works crazy hours, as the main office he works for is located in Greenville, SC. This guy works his tail off for Fluor and has a work ethic like none I've ever seen. So thankful for him and how God uses him at his job and how He blesses us. Finally, my appointment at Virginia Mason went great. All labs and tests came back normal so now we are on to the next step - the allergist. In the meantime, we went Indoor Skydiving at iFly Seattle and had a blast! It was J's Valentine's Day present, so it worked out perfectly to fit not only my appointment, but some fun into this trip. To celebrate, we will be going out as soon as I find out what the allergist says on Monday and I know if there is anything I need to avoid. If all is good, then we will add one more item to our list of things to celebrate. Cheers!
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| My official indoor skydiving photo Update: No allergies. Yay! Milkshakes here I come! And on to the next phase of testing and doctors. Prayers for good news and healing appreciated! X, A! |
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Taking Pride
I always down played the fact that I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology. And only recently have been able to admit why. I worked in the counseling field for 3 years before the unit I worked on shut down and I transferred over to PNNL. To be honest, I was already feeling that typical counselor burnout after 2 years so the move was sort of welcome.
Feeling like the burnout meant maybe I chose the wrong field coupled with coming to work at a national lab like PNNL, I began to downplay the importance of my degree. When people asked about my college background I would laugh and say, "Psychology, not like it matters out here. " I said this more out of fear of judgment that others were wondering what I was doing with a Psych degree at a national lab and why I may not be in the field anymore. Also, I know more people without degrees than with, so I felt downplaying it made me safer and more relatable so they wouldn't think I felt any superiority. But in doing this, I not only weakened their view of myself, my intelligence, and education, but my own. Disregarding everything I learned and went through to obtain my degree to avoid judgment or to make others feel good was not true to what I felt. I really was proud, but afraid to show it. Over time this way of being starts to brainwash and steal your confidence. Which is not good for you or those around you. I have a lot of knowledge and life experience to offer the world from the last decade of my life, including my college education, and I was devaluing that and myself.
Over the past 3 years, I have settled into my position at PNNL and thought about what I've learned from this job versus what I learned from college and my 3 years as a counselor. What I realized is, the lessons and experiences from my early 20's have been far more valuable than I ever gave them credit for and I strongly regret any downplaying or devaluing I did. I am proud of my decision attend college and obtain a degree in something I felt passionate about and to serve in the way I was able. In addition to my education, I learned so much about myself, life, people, research, decision making, and other ways of being and will never devalue that again. It is a lie for me to do so. I think my education is one the greatest investments I ever made and I do not regret it. I would do it again if I had do it over. I still have that passion for Psychology and learning and I intend to celebrate it now.
In life we all take a different a path. No one way is the only or right way. For some that might mean getting a job out of high school. For another getting married and starting a family. To devalue our choices and ourselves out of fear of judgment or making others feel less is wrong. Be proud of who you are and the life path you took. Yes, we might make mistakes along the way, but often that is where the greatest lessons lie. If others can't handle who you are or the path you chose it's more about them than you. Pray for them and gently guide them. Sometimes people don't know there are all these choices out there waiting for them and they can do it, too.
So be proud. Share you experience and knowledge. And never let others inadequacies make you feel like you need to protect them. There is a difference between an arrogant pride and a confident pride. Shrinking yourself down smaller never made anyone else get bigger.
Feeling like the burnout meant maybe I chose the wrong field coupled with coming to work at a national lab like PNNL, I began to downplay the importance of my degree. When people asked about my college background I would laugh and say, "Psychology, not like it matters out here. " I said this more out of fear of judgment that others were wondering what I was doing with a Psych degree at a national lab and why I may not be in the field anymore. Also, I know more people without degrees than with, so I felt downplaying it made me safer and more relatable so they wouldn't think I felt any superiority. But in doing this, I not only weakened their view of myself, my intelligence, and education, but my own. Disregarding everything I learned and went through to obtain my degree to avoid judgment or to make others feel good was not true to what I felt. I really was proud, but afraid to show it. Over time this way of being starts to brainwash and steal your confidence. Which is not good for you or those around you. I have a lot of knowledge and life experience to offer the world from the last decade of my life, including my college education, and I was devaluing that and myself.
Over the past 3 years, I have settled into my position at PNNL and thought about what I've learned from this job versus what I learned from college and my 3 years as a counselor. What I realized is, the lessons and experiences from my early 20's have been far more valuable than I ever gave them credit for and I strongly regret any downplaying or devaluing I did. I am proud of my decision attend college and obtain a degree in something I felt passionate about and to serve in the way I was able. In addition to my education, I learned so much about myself, life, people, research, decision making, and other ways of being and will never devalue that again. It is a lie for me to do so. I think my education is one the greatest investments I ever made and I do not regret it. I would do it again if I had do it over. I still have that passion for Psychology and learning and I intend to celebrate it now.
In life we all take a different a path. No one way is the only or right way. For some that might mean getting a job out of high school. For another getting married and starting a family. To devalue our choices and ourselves out of fear of judgment or making others feel less is wrong. Be proud of who you are and the life path you took. Yes, we might make mistakes along the way, but often that is where the greatest lessons lie. If others can't handle who you are or the path you chose it's more about them than you. Pray for them and gently guide them. Sometimes people don't know there are all these choices out there waiting for them and they can do it, too.
So be proud. Share you experience and knowledge. And never let others inadequacies make you feel like you need to protect them. There is a difference between an arrogant pride and a confident pride. Shrinking yourself down smaller never made anyone else get bigger.
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